


Silent as the Sea

by llurae



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Allura (Voltron)-centric, Character Study, Gen, Post-Season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-03 08:51:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11528808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/llurae/pseuds/llurae
Summary: Allura reflects late at night, in a cold castle that is as silent as the sea.





	Silent as the Sea

Long after Allura had retreated to her quarters, she lies wide awake on her bed, a heaviness buried inside her chest like a stagnant pool of water  . Though exhaustion twists deep in her bones, her body refuses to let her sleep.  Too drained to search for Shiro or devise battle plans any longer, yet too drained to go to sleep, the promise of a well rested night remains  stubbornly  beyond her reach .

 

With a sigh, she rises from the bed and makes her way to sit by the windowsill. There's a rustle of movement and a patter of tiny feet as she feels the mice scamper to her lap. She waits a moment for them to settle and brings a hand up to stroke their fur. Outside, the eternal expanse of stars spreads out to infinity, miles and miles apart. Before the war, she remembers, the sight always used to comfort her.

 

_Before the war._

 

Allura recalls diplomatic missions to neighboring planets, the same breathtaking view that swum past the ship  .  A small, faraway voice whispers how those very planets  are lost  , along with Altea and every other planet within its galaxy . The same voice whispers how she will never have her reconciliation.

The voice is not unknown to her, though.  It is a constant cloud of static that has been simmering in the back of her mind since she had woken up from her cryosleep . She hasn't paid much mind to it, not with it being almost invisible, almost unnoticeable. Even so, the thoughts threaten to weigh her down, to drag her into a sea of hopelessness to drown inside of her own mind.

 

Allura does not want to drown.

 

Pulled from the comfort of home like rovings of wool through brambles and then shoved into battle-torn ruins, Allura moved forward, still  . It never  really  was a choice, was it? In a blink of an eye, the entire world had swept past her and Coran, and they  were left  to pick apart the bones from ash and rebuild .

Rebuild, even while the pain of betrayal still stings in their chests like a fresh wound.

 

God, they haven't even had a chance to _mourn_ _._ There wasn't any time to pay respects to the dead, not while there is still so much yet to  be done.  It's worth it, of course; every grateful smile of a freed prisoner, every relieved sigh of a weary leader, every planet liberated is a reminder of what she is fighting for-  _it's worth it,_ so why do the nightmares still claw at her heart as though she didn't understand the price of rebellion ? After everything is over and done with, will it ever be the same as it once was? Will she forever feel as lost and untethered as she does now?

 

Allura feels as if she  really  is drowning.

 

She clings to the mice on her lap tighter as the sharp pinpricks of tears gather. When she screws her eyes shut, she can almost see the raging tidal pool before her, begging for her to bend to its will. She can feel its pull and the wanting, wanting for her to abandon hope.

Admist the discord, Allura wonders if there is another universe where she let the ocean take her. Another universe where Allura lets the water fill her lungs. Another universe where Allura stops fighting.

The blue-green waters continue to reach for her  imploringly  as the rushing wind roars in her ears.

No. She thinks. If she stops fighting, what of the other paladins? What of finding Shiro? 

Allura watches the water slow its violent thrashing and soften its edge.

She will fight, always, for her found family, for her planet and her people, long gone as they are. And then, when the time comes to lay down her weapons, she'll let herself finally rest. 

Allura will not let herself drown. She will _not_ drown.

She takes in a deep breath, and when she exhales, the ocean flows  gently  with the movement and her chest feels lighter .

Allura opens her eyes to the mice blinking back up at her, concern creasing their faces. She manages a smile.

"I will not drown," She murmurs, through her falling tears and her grief.


End file.
